Sunday, October 27, 2013

Edit, Revise, Cut, Check, Polish, and Publish!

Original:
     Ultimately, the very old man with enormous wings is able to endure the winter, grow his feathers back, and fly away proving himself an angel. In the very last line, Peloya “kept watching him… and she kept watching until it was no longer possible for her to see him, because then he was no longer an annoyance in her life.” Peloya is proven completely wrong when the very old man takes flight, instead of being regretful or ashamed in the way she had treated him she is glad to see him go because only then was he “no longer an annoyance in her life.” Marquez sets up this last opportunity for Peloya to prove that she is not heartless, but instead she is glad to see him go because he was no longer a burden. 

Revised:
     Peloya and Elisenda watch the very old man with enormous wings endure the winter and fly away, proving his supernatural abilities, which highlight Marquez’s the last irony; the contradicting opinions of the angel ultimately change nothing. In the very last line, Peloya “kept watching him… and she kept watching until it was no longer possible for her to see him, because then he was no longer an annoyance in her life.” Instead of Marquez depicting Peloya as being regretful or ashamed in the way she had treated the angel, she is glad to see him go because only then was he “no longer an annoyance in her life.” Marquez sets up this last opportunity for Peloya to prove that she is not heartless, but instead she is glad to see him go because he was no longer a burden.

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